WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
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