You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
At least life still wants to fuck me.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
