Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
If that really is brett favre's penis, no wonder she ignored his calls
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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