The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
