How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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