Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
I'm like 89% sure I could get him to buy me a car in exchange for a half-assed handy.
Randomize
