I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Its about making memories worth repressing
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Randomize
