so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
