these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
