I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
