I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
So I bet a guy he could drink two irish car bombs faster than me and I lost. now he gets to name our first son. sory.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
