this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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