Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
