I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
