Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
