I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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