Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
This is the high leading the old right now
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
