Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Randomize
