I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
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