high people should be assigned attendants
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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