I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I met her at the liquor store. I hope I'm wearing a condom
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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