i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Randomize
