i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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