Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
I don't care if you go out, because at the end of the night I know i'll be the one fucking you.
that was completely unnecessary, true, but unnecessary
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
