i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
