Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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