it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
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