I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
Randomize
