We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
My dick has a subreddit
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
