So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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