i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I am available for nakedness
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
