you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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