She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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