Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Do u remember giving me permission to fuck ur dad and then getting super pissed at me when i said ew?
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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