my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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