Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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