Joe is yelling at the trees again.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
