He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
