Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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