Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
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