Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
