Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
