we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Guy just rode past on a lowrider bike smoking a blunt, I want his life
Randomize
