is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
