just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
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