All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
