So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
They should really pass out barf bags in church
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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