Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
You know, be my cock's hype man.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Randomize
