He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Randomize
