You're so nebulous sometimes
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
